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tales of something simple - kissing ass and taking names: the art of getting ahead in life without being an asshole

i believe

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

all types of chaos

kissing ass and taking names: the art of getting ahead in life without being an asshole

You are always welcome to accuse me of being a brown noser. Though for the most part, I’m a genuine one. Throughout my teenage years and less into my adult life (because people actually get more mature as they get older, what a concept) I was consistently thought of and accused of being an ass kisser. Well, I’ll set the record straight: I am and I am damn proud of it.

Who ever got anywhere in life without a little, or in my case, a lot of “so nice to meet you,” “you’ve been such a big help,” “I appreciate you,” and a lot of other blah blah? Let me let you in on a big secret: I got to where I am today because I was nice to people. I wasn’t fake, and no, I don’t think I was obnoxious (if you are reading this and you think so it’s because we went to school together and I got better treatment from a teacher or a little slack on a test and you didn’t and you’re just still pissed off about it). I didn’t get recommendations for college, hell, I didn’t get into college, without making a very obvious and concerted effort to show I cared. I won’t lie about it: when I graduated high school I sent a one page letter to every single one of my teachers or administrators that lit a fire under my ass, believed in me, supported me and got me going in the direction I needed for the next phase of my life to be productive and successful. And I promise you that every word I wrote was genuine and not a bunch of shit. Not only though, did that forever secure me a special little place in their educational hearts, it also made me feel good to tell people who are highly underpaid and under appreciated that they made a difference to someone. I didn’t get the job I have by just coming into an internship doing the grunt work and going home at 5. No, I did it with a smile. And although I’m still friggin’ smiling through gritted teeth two years later, it got me someplace. When I call someone because a bill is late, wrong, or I just hate Verizon that day, killing someone with kindness gets me a nicer person (usually, unless their middle name is Bag and their first name is Douche), better service and a resolution to my complaint. I’ve tried the yelling thing…and it doesn’t work…especially when you are trying to argue an overdraft fee of $34 with your bank (by the way, that rule is total bullshit…post on this topic to ensue later).

When I’ve taken the time to be a little kinder, a little more patient, a lot more interested, and outwardly appreciative or respectful to other people…huge rewards come. A later deadline (thank you very much Professor Y on that extension I got for my senior seminar paper that I had all semester to write…I literally went to his office and just said very calmly “It’s not done. I’m stuck. I need more time. I’m really sorry.” His response “When can you get it to me by?” I said, “tonight by midnight?” He looked at me very seriously and replied “When are you going to be able to give me something that isn’t shit you just pulled out of your ass?”), more money at work, a referral to a job or client, a discount or just an overall act of kindness. Think about the methodology of kissing ass and taking names like collecting business cards for a mental Rolodex. The nicer you are, the more you keep in touch and the more you give a damn about other people and tell them: the more life will give back to you and the happier you’ll be to give it right back out to keep on gettin’.

So to those of you that ever talked shit on me because I was teachers pet or boss’ favorite? Don’t knock it till you try it.

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