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tales of something simple - i’ve got assets

i believe

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

all types of chaos

i’ve got assets

On my quest to be a healthier “me” (and with no luck in the weight loss department), I’ve had to start focusing the glass half full toward my way when it comes to looking in the mirror.  As clothes fit differently (and horribly pending the garmet), I’ve needed to give myself a little pep talk–focusing on the good and not the lumpy.  So while stretch marks, cottage cheese, and a sugary muffin top seem to dominate my self-esteem, I’m here to acknowledge that I’ve got some assets.

1.  I’ve got a great ass.  Yes, indeedy!  I’ll never talk badly about it, no matter my size, because it’s always served me well.  Even if you aren’t an ass man, I’ll make you one.  I make no claims that it would turn heads at a nudist beach..but anything from a cute pair of boy shorts to a nice pair of jeans looks nice on this tush.

2.  My boobs are buyont.  A perky, handful ‘o C’s, the right shirt will take your mind off the dough boy waist and onto the apples.  Not too big and not too small, this pair makes my husband smile daily.

3.  I have really, really good teeth.  I thank my mother for this, as she forced me into braces and very forcfilly informed me of what would happen to my teeth if I didn’t follow every instruction from the Orthodontist.  I may have a cheesy, too wide, “I wore braces!” smile…but it’s the number one thing I get complimented on.  Thank you Dr. Bishop, and Mom.

4.  My fingernails are real.  No gel, acryllic or whatever the hell else the ladies are wearing these days–all ten are all mine!  I’ve been blessed with the ability to grow and keep fingernails long, pretty and for the most part, break free.

5.  My hair is the shit.  I am obsessed with hair.  Other than the fact that right now mine need’s a cut and highlight as badly as Courtney Love, I’m diggin’ it.  Not only does my hair take well to many styles, I’m not too bad at doing it either.  Hairdresser for special events?  Unecessary!  I’ve got this mop fully manipulated to do as I say or else.

That being said…all this positivity has me looking a lot more fondly at a brownie than an apple.

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