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tales of something simple - September 2010

i believe

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

all types of chaos

how you know you've finally come into adulthood

1.  Your life revolves around an electronic and paper calendar (just in case one fails you…)

2.  You circle items in the grocery store circular, make a list and then drive to the grocery store promptly at 6am when the sale starts to avoid the crowd AND you don’t buy anything that isn’t on the list

3.  You update your holiday card list via an excel spreadsheet

4.  You actually start to understand how your mother was right about so freaking much

5.  Somehow annual blood work becomes priority

6.  When shopping, you actually choose household goods or decor over new wardrobe

7.  You start reading nutrition lables

8.  The mole you’ve had since 2 summers ago?  Time to get removed

9.  Forgetting the birth control doesn’t seem as terrifying

10.  When shampoo is on sale, you buy in bulk

11.  You find yourself running down the driveway at 7am on Wednesday because you forgot to take the garbage out and don’t want a full can for another 7 days

12.  You are annoyed by teenage drivers, packed into one car with loud music, obnoxious bumper stickers and cigarette (or pot) smoke filtering out of the car

13.  Littering feels like a crime

14.  Coupons aren’t just fun to clip but are now cool to have at the check-out

15.  You sign up for those store keychain cards everywhere you go because you know that a coupon, freebie or special sale reminder will come your way at any given moment

16.  Price comparing is actually a habit

17.  You figure out that painting your own nails can be just as pretty as paying some other chick to do it for $15

18.  You learn that while its cheaper to paint your toes, there ain’t nothin’ like a chick scrubbing your feet and massaging your calves

19.  You stop watching TV at 11pm because you start counting the hours and minutes you will have to sleep if you go to bed right now

20.  A thin briefcase seems like a dumbass choice and a big fucking handback with a chic brand name logo on the side looks genuis

21.  Being smart seems trivial compared to some heavy life experience

22.  You start to realize how far away high school really seems when your dog walker tells you she can’t make it because she has a test.  Yeah, and?

23.  Coffee in the morning commute isn’t a guilty pleasure it is a God damned necessity

24.  When you’re boss asks you to close the door behind you, you don’t start shitting yourself because you’re going to get more work and no raise but because you are scared half to death today might be the day he fires you

25.  Directions actually start to seem useful

26.  Advertising slogans like “see results up to five days before your missed period” get more confusing–5 days before my MISSED period?  Is there a test to tell me it’s going to be missed, so I can then buy this test?  What?

27.  Vitamins.  You buy them and take them.  You actually know what the fuck they do, too!

28.  You have an established, hair dresser, physician, OB, dentist, bank teller, barista and dermatologist.  And you actually recommend them to other people using phrases like “Oh my God they are so awesome and they get you in right away.”

29.  Toxic shock syndrome is no longer a fear and you realize that you really don’t need to change your tampon every five seconds to avoid this fatal event.  Stop it Mom.  You know you were dramatic.

30.  The guy at adult world doesn’t card you because you don’t look under 18 (and he really didn’t)

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