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tales of something simple - the moment your father became a daddy

i believe

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

all types of chaos

the moment your father became a daddy

It was tonight.

I’m not saying he hasn’t felt like your Daddy already.  But the connection is different than you and I have.  You are inside of me, all the time, moving around, growing and bonding with me.  Your relationship with Daddy is different because he is on the outside, however loving you just as much.  He feels your kicks, talks to you, listens to you…waiting for you to belt out a show tune or pass gas I’m not sure.  But as he likes to say, he feels like his first father’s day will be next year when you are physically here; like you actually have to have a birth certificate for him to be recognized.  Not so.

This changed about five minutes ago.

He was looking on our baby registry because I couldn’t remember if we registered for a swing for you and I don’t want to look because it ruins all the surprise later.  He came across the bed rails to convert your crib into a big boy or big girl bed and then the following occurred,starting with your Daddy:

“Metal bed rails?”

“Well yeah.  It connects the headboard and footboard.  It’s just a bed frame.”

“But its metal.  I don’t like that.”

“What’s the big deal?  Most beds have metal frames or rails or whatever they are.  Mine had one.”

“Well our bed has wood one’s.”

“Yes but our bed is fancy.  This is a crib.  And the kid won’t even use them till it’s like 3, or 4 or 5 when it’s big enough to be in a big bed.”

“Yeah but we’re the one’s who are going to be kissing the boo-boo’s and if you slam your toe on that thing it really hurts.”

Freeze.  Bottle that moment in time.  He is looking down the road, where he will have to kiss your bumps and bruises and will forever resent getting metal bed rails.  He is worried about your precious little feet and how he will  have to wipe your tears that will come when you stub your toes.  I know he is imagining sweeping into the room with his Daddy cape and scooping you up on your bed and asking you where it hurts and you will point to your little baby toe, which always hurts the worst.  He is thinking about kissing your boo-boo’s.

He may not know it, or entirely feel it yet.  He will in time.

But I already see it.

He is your Daddy.

And when you are rebellious and sassy and are mad at him for telling you for the eighth time to put your seat belt on or never put down your drink at a party or to be home by 10pm on a weekend and you roll your eyes, I will remind you of this moment.

And you will know that this man, my husband and now your father, thinks about you and feels a sense of love, pride and excitement he won’t ever be able to tell you in person.

But because of this moment tonight, you will know.

 

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