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tales of something simple - friends

i believe

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

all types of chaos

“you’re all business”

I was out with a girlfriend and we were discussing first impressions.  Actually I was randomly sharing with her how I thought she was a man eater when I first met her and she got a kick out of it.  So overall we got onto the topic of first impressions.  In so many words, she didn’t tell me that her first impression of me was that I am intimidating or a bitch (this is refreshing actually, because those two adjectives are quite common in describing me at first meet).  Instead she said something very genius and so spot on and I appreciated the way in which she put it.  She said “You were all business.”

The funny thing about this isn’t that it was nice of her not to call me a bitch (though she is the type of gal that would tell me this to my face if I was).  It was nice because I finally found a way to describe myself that didn’t sound completely insulting.  So then I thought about it some more and came to the conclusion that my “all business” attitude comes from a place that lacks comfort.  When I say this I don’t mean that I am uncomfortable meeting new people, quite the contrary.  I like meeting new people, learning about them, hearing their stories and I’m not particularly great at always being myself with certain personalities.  I’m just not sure or comfortable to be vulnerable (some people associate this with crying, getting angry, hurt, etc…I mean it in a way that means authentic) in front of someone I am not sure of.  So in essence, I wear a “business suit.”  It isn’t a mask and it isn’t fake because anyone who knows me knows I’m a professional, I take my work, my priorities and my goals seriously and something about that “suit” wears on me well in lots of situations where I am meeting new people.  I don’t fit into some crowds easily, good or bad, my fault or not.  I didn’t fit in while in high school, let’s be honest about it.  I don’t think it was necessarily because I was anything extraordinary and certainly not because I wasn’t nice.  I didn’t know how to be in the crowd I was in.  I didn’t necessarily have the general interests, so they thought, or the same hobbies.  I fit in well with another crowd, teachers, administrators, employers.  Why?  Because they were all business too!  At different jobs, I haven’t connected with certain people.  I think it’s a combination of whatever “suit” they wear and the one I wear and they don’t work.Even in my work now, you either get me or you don’t and if I’m not comfortable being who I am around you, you get the business side of things.

Those that know me and know me well knows that business is a side of me that I do well where it needs it most–at work.  But they also know a side of me that is a total goof off, klutz, 110 mph, say it like it is when it is and how it is, lady.

So, tell all the strangers…I’m only business at first.  If you stick around, there’s ooohhhy gooey me in there too.  And if you’re intimidated, it’s your fault.  If I’m a bitch, it’s mine.  If I wear a suit, it’s both our faults.

Either way, if you are reading this, I’m glad to know you.

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