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tales of something simple - work

i believe

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

all types of chaos

honey, angry don't look good on you.

There is a woman in my office building (no she doesn’t work with me, or we would have scrapped it out already), who brings out my inner animal.  I like to think that all people in this world, regardless of any tough, weird or otherwise bizarre, stinky exterior are all gooey inside with hearts of gold.  No, not this woman.

She is blonde, with medium length hair, taller than me (no she couldn’t kick my ass!), and likes to wear high waist pants and high heels.  She also likes tank tops that show off her “I’m on my way to being a body builder” arms and the lip gloss is always a shinin’.  Problem is, she looks so pissed off 100% of the time she doesn’t need botox because no one will ever see the lines her furious face has created because her face doesn’t move.  She also pouts her mouth a lot so it’s slightly duck like, which is awesome because other than that, and the little pooch her high waist pants create she would probably be quite attractive.  She walks everywhere (into the building, out of the building, to the potty, back from the potty and everywhere in between) like she just got a call from the lifeguard at the pool and for the fifth day in a row this week her toddler shit in the deep end.  She looks so mad, practically stomps, though gracefully holds her chin and nose so high in the air when she is coming toward you that you aren’t sure if she is trying to let you see a secret boogie or make you feel like your short.  Her hair, though not quite shoulder length, is always breezing behind her nomatter where she is going…even her hair is trying to run in the other direction she is so scary!

She also likes to have the same bathroom schedule as I do, which makes it really inconvenient if I have to take a shit (I don’t like an audience).  She also uses the bathroom as if it was her own personal stall, flossing, brushing her teeth, adjusting her bra, and spraying herself with perfume (wait, I thought her shit didn’t stink?).  Many a times on the phone, pulling a Paris Hilton, I think she just likes to stand in the quiet hallway sounding loud and important with a phone to her ear.  And she never talks in actual sentences or says more than 4 words at a time, using phrases like “That’s unacceptable,” “Not a shot in hell,” “No,” “Absolutely,” “Right,” “You do your job.”  I’m not sure how powerful she is in the office, as she always seems to be in a rush to go everywhere and completely ignores everyone around her because we are all just a waste of space, but I betcha she is a man eater in the bedroom.   I could totally see her as a woman who goes to a bar alone with full intent to pick up a one night stand and if no one is paying her mind, she would go up to a crowd of men and say “OK you pansies, who wants to fuck?  Let’s go so I can tie you up with leather straps, whip you until you have sores on your ass and make you scream for your Mommy.”

I’m not even kidding.  I’ve never talked to the woman, don’t know her name, but I do know that every time I see her I want to scream “bitch!” and then run down the opposite end of the hallway.

Maybe I’ll try that on Monday.  I’ll let you know how it works out.


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