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tales of something simple - tales of my favorites

i believe

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

all types of chaos

Bissell Powergroom Pet Vacuum

Our vacuum broke.  Our third vacuum in three years.  I am exhausted thinking about all the times we clogged, unclogged, cleaned and tore apart those god damn machines.  And then it occurred to us…for less than $150 we could just beat the shit out of one and then get a new one after we completely obliterate it’s motor once we suck up the equivalent of an 80 lb. dog (which apparently is now happening on an average of every 12 months).

After visiting Walmart…Target…BJ’s…Kohls…and back to Walmart for the best price we picked up our new, amazing machine.  We get home, 1 hour and 45 minutes later at 8pm and I assemble the new purchase without even having a piece of pizza for dinner first that we picked up on the way.  I assemble…open the instruction manual and read…”First clean carpet and loose dirt with vacuum and then turn on steam cleaner function.”  I look at Brian.  I say “I think this isn’t a vacuum.”  He says, “turn it on and we’ll see if it sucks stuff up.”

It pushed stuff around.  This was a steam cleaner.  HOWEVER.  To my blond defense…it didn’t say this anywhere on the huge ass box.  It said HEATING FUNCTION.  I thought it was a vacuum steam cleaner in one.  Since talking to experienced appliance guru’s since (women over 40–sorry Mom) I’ve learned no such thing exists which is why people have a steam cleaner AND a vacuum.  I put the STEAM CLEANER (mother fuc98gdkhn god damninnihkhte all the way under my breath) back into the box, ASSEMBLED and lugged it back to Walmart to now price compare AND settle on an electrical device that clearly stated that it sucks shit up off of the floor.

Which is when I found my Bissell!  Needless to say, 45 minutes later I was home assembling and vacuuming my house like I was Carol Brady and having an orgasm over it.

If you have  a dog, buy one.  You won’t regret it.  And if you have kids it will cut down on your expenses at Build-A-Bear because you can stuff every fucking piece of fabric in the house to make one with the crap this thing will pick up.


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